While divorcing, custody of the children and splitting up the financial assets are two of the most common disagreements among spouses. While your finances may take a hit during the division process, this does not compare to the damage your relationship with your children can suffer if you and your spouse are unable to reach a beneficial custody agreement. Children can suffer short term anxiety and depression due to their parent's divorce, and long term effects include poor physical health, poor relationships with their parents, emotional instability, and poor social skills. 

If you and your spouse are divorcing, it is important to put your children first and act responsibly for their future. To do so, you should consider avoiding these three common custody pitfalls. 

Split Custody 

Split custody involves one child living with one parent while their sibling lives with the other parent. Although the arrangement may make sense to parents, it is discouraged by most courts and experts. This is because the sibling relationship tends to suffer in addition to the parental relationships. Split custody can be especially difficult for sibling pairs when one of the parents relocates to another city as the siblings will not see each other in school or on the weekends. 

Split custody tends to be awarded when there is obvious conflict between one parent and one child or animosity between the children. Additionally, split custody may be awarded at the request of older siblings. 

Before considering split custody, you should have your family evaluated by a therapist. A therapist can tell you whether your conflict will be better resolved by separating the children or by having them live together and work through their issues. Additionally, a therapist can give you suggestions on how to make time for the siblings to visit and nurture their relationship if they are not living together.  

50/50 Custody 

50/50 custody involves one parent having sole custody for half of the year and the other parent having sole custody for the other half of the year. While this may seem like an ideal way to show that you both equally love your children, especially if one parent is relocating, it can actually make life more difficult for you and your children. Eventually, your children may feel like your needs are being put before their own desires and needs. 

50/50 custody can be continually disruptive to children if they have to attend different schools throughout the year, or spend the weekends and holidays away from their school friends. Additionally, they will have to internalize different home habits for when they are living with each of their parents, which can make your children feel like they cannot relax at either of their homes. 

Instead of 50/50 custody, it is better to learn more and  find a custody agreement that allows both parents to support each other when they have the children. While it is important that the children receive quality time with both parents, it is rarely necessary for this time to be divided equally. 

Court Ordered Custody 

Court ordered custody happens when parents are unable to reach an agreement regarding custody for their children and a judge has to arrange custody and visitation. This is not ideal because it draws out custody battles and, often times, the judge does not hear from the children before deciding custody. 

Instead of going to court over custody, you should consider going to a therapist together and using a professional mediation service. Mediation costs less, takes less time, and shows your children that you can work together in their best interest. 

Sometimes, split custody, 50/50 custody, or court ordered custody will be the best option for your children. However, you should make sure it is best for them and not only easiest for you and your spouse.