Divorce is a devastating process that is not only hard on the couple going through it, but it can be heart-wrenching for their children. Statistics show that 45% - 50% of first marriages in the United States ends in divorce. With these high statistics, there's a good chance that your kids have several friends and/or classmates who have divorcing or divorced parents. But this won't soften the blow when you give them the news. Your children will be surprised and upset when you and your spouse tell them that you are getting a divorce, but this difficult conversation must take place. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to minimize the blow. Keep reading to learn a few tips on how to break the news to your kids that you're getting a divorce:

1. Deliver The News During A Family Meeting

Divorcing parents are usually not on good terms, but it is essential that you put your differences aside one more time to deliver the news of your impending divorce to your children together. The best way to do this is to gather everyone together for a family meeting so everyone will hear the news at the same time. When telling your kids about your divorce, keep these things in mind:

• Remain calm and avoid blaming each other for the failure of the marriage at all times during the meeting.

• The way you deliver this news, which is life-changing for everyone involved, will affect your kids' level of anxiety about your impending divorce.

• The way you handle this important conversation will also dictate how your child will react to the news. They could feel like it's the end of the world, or they can anticipate a positive outcome.

• Experts recommend using the word "we" as often as possible when telling children that you're getting a divorce.

Talking to your children together in a calm and united way sends them the message that you will continue to work together to take care of them. You are showing them that they are still very important to you and your spouse, you have their best interests in mind, and you still are and will always be their parents. It also shows the kids that getting a divorce was a mutual decision, and it will help them preserve their trust in both you and your soon-to-be ex spouse.

2. Provide Details

It is very important that you provide your children with details as to why you are getting a divorce, because children will immediately jump to the conclusion that it's their fault. Younger children don't need to hear a lot of detail, but don't hide the truth from them. Older children will need to hear more details as to why the divorce is happening so they can better understand the situation. Here are some things you can say to your kids:

• Mommy and Daddy just can't get along nicely anymore.

• Dad is going to move out so he can see what it's like to live alone.

• Mom is going to live in a new apartment close by.

• Mom and Dad are better as friends than they are a married couple.

• Since Mommy and Daddy have been arguing a lot and are very grumpy with each other, we've decided to take some time to live apart and see how we like it.

It's also very important to talk to your kids about what will happen going forward. Provide them with details about who is moving out and when they will be able to spend time with that parent. Assure them that even though their mom or dad is moving out, they'll still have a quality relationship with him or her.

Your children will have questions. Just answer all questions honestly, clearly, and calmly. If you don't have an answer, it's okay. Just tell your child that you will give them an answer as soon as you have it. Allowing your children to ask questions and giving them a straight answer will make them understand that their concerns are important during this big and scary life-changing event.

3. Prepare Yourself For Negative Reactions

Most children will find the news of their parents divorce to be devastating, even if they've heard you fighting for years. Throughout the family meeting, you must remain sensitive to their feelings. Here's how:

• Say "We love you." often during the conversation.

• Be mindful of your children's reactions.

• Understand that there may be no immediate outward reaction from one or all your kids. Some younger children don't know how to express their emotions right away.

• Reassure your children over and over again that the divorce is not their fault and that they are loved unconditionally.

• Tell them that it's not their fault you're getting a divorce and that there's nothing they can do to stop it.

• Don't forget to give your kids a lot of hugs and kissing during the divorce announcement, because it will reinforce your message that you love them unconditionally and that won't change after the divorce.

Telling your children that you're getting a divorce will be one of the hardest, most important, and life-changing conversations you'll ever have with them. The way you deliver this information will create the foundation of how your children will deal with this news. With love and support from both parents, you and your children will be able to work together to overcome the challenges that come with divorce and life after a divorce. If you have any questions, call a divorce attorney from a firm such as the Law office of Kristine A. Michael, P.C. He or she will be happy to help you through this difficult time.